good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
