Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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