she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
