I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
