i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
