I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize