thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
