4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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