At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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