I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
