I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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