Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
