and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
