He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
