So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
