When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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