I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
