i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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