and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
