I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
