wrigley field is MILF paradise
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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