so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do herpes really smell.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
