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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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