my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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