So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
