I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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