I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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