My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
