We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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