last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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