This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
