Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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