I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
