you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
