Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
