girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
