You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
