apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
