I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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