My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
