he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize