if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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