I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
