If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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