if you like me you must not know who I am
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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