My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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