Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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