yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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