I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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