I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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