bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
