my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We had to coat check the pizza.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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