their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
