Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
