I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
