there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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