STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
