Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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