my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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