somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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