I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
