The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
